I’m Back My Friends!

Golden Trees

Golden Trees

I am finally back on my blog for real for the first time since January!!!! This means I will actually spend time documenting the mundane, the exciting, and random life of yours truly. Forgive me if I have been gone so long you’ve forgotten who I am, the fault is all mine.

A lot has happened since January! I nannied for two awesome kids that I mentioned in a previous post. Those little boys taught me a lot about myself and how to handle and become friends with children. Even though I am not an only child (coming from a family of six), I am the youngest. We all know what that means! I was spoiled to a certain extent and I didn’t really have to deal with other siblings encroaching on my privacy or being supremely annoying. I was the annoying one and I taught my siblings how to handle kids (at least I hope I helped in all my craziness). So these two little boys truly were a blessing and very intelligent for their ages. I miss them a lot as I have yet to meet equally intelligent kids and reasonable children. I can only hope my own kids will be that great!

Unfortunately, in May I had to leave my apartment to stay with my boyfriends family for the summer and also that family’s employment because it just wasn’t economical for me to drive 40 minutes every day for only 4 hours of work. Sad, but I was able to find a job only 5 minutes away from the house. I became a nanny for the most fiery little girl I have ever had the pleasure to work with. She challenged me every day and I got a glimpse at what can happen when a child is surrounded by impatience and insincerity. Her mother on the other hand was a pretty despicable human being and after a few months finally let me in on the secret that what she had promised to pay me when I first took the job, just wasn’t going to happen. So based on that new information I said, thank you kindly but goodbye. She said some pretty unkind things to me on that last day and I have no regrets about leaving except that I left that poor little girl in the hands of a terrible mother who was flat drunk the day I quit.

Moving on from that, I got a week off from work and flew home to MN to see my family, especially my wonderful Grandpa. I got to see him and spend some quality time with him. I was very grateful for this time as a few months later he passed away and I wasn’t able to go home for the funeral. It was hard on our whole family to lose such an amazing person, especially my Grandma, my mother and her 3 other siblings. A friend recommend the book Midwife For Souls and I read parts of it to see if I should give it to my family. Turns out it is a pretty awesome book, so I sent it to my mother. My mom read it and ended up recommending sections to other family members. My hope was that it would help even a little and my mom told me that it did indeed help with the approach of his death.

After I got back from my visit, I found a job pretty quickly as a Graphic Designer/Personal Assistant! It ended up being pretty awesome and my boss even let me take the job with me to Colorado and I get to work from home!!

Long story short, Casey (the boyfriend) was taking summer classes to prepare for grad school. He wants to become a physical therapist after all of the trauma and physical issues from the past year and so he started preparing. He’s applied to schools all over the country but after our visit in April, we both wanted to end up in Colorado. He found out near the middle of August that we needed to move here ASAP to work on getting residency for one of the schools here. homeSo in less than a month, with a lot of hard work, and Casey’s awesome mom helping, we thankfully found an awesome house! We’ve been both blessed and lucky in so many ways this year!

 

 

 

Check out this VIEW!!!

 

 

The view from my house!! So lucky.

The view from my house!! So lucky.

Now I am working from home and next week I start MASSAGE THERAPY SCHOOL!!!!! That’s right, I’m adding another skill to this jack-of-all-trades. It will take a year for me to finish, but in the end it will be worth it.

In the meantime, I resolve not to leave you (and myself) for so long and annoy everyone who cares to read this blog.

I’ll catch ya on the flipside 😉

 

We decided to call this forest, The Forest of Gold. With fall comes the most beautiful colors in the universe!

We decided to call this forest, The Forest of Gold. With fall comes the most beautiful colors in the universe!

Just me at Muehller State Park

Just me at Muehller State Park

The Jitters, Heebie-Jeebies, and Those Screaming Meemies

Jitters = fancy way of saying “I’m nervous and feeling anxious!” Today, on the cusp of vacation, I have a severe case of the jitters. I looked up the definition(nervousness, another word for jitters: an uneasy psychological state) and ways to calm those pesky feelings down. What I found seemed to be more related to an actual psychological problem. I don’t think the average person has “nervousness issues” like someone who gets anxiety attacks. Anyone can get them of course but, it takes extreme (subjective) circumstances for it to reach that level of intensity.

The kind of jitters I’m talking about are the kinds that drive you to distraction because you can only think of the future. Past and present don’t exist when the jitters are contracted. The only thing that matters in the mind of someone with jitters (i think….?) would HAVE to be the future! I am so focused on everything I need and want to do before my flight leaves on Monday morning that focusing on work is…. impossible. Impossible, I tell you!!

The satisfaction I would get from completing my list, is unreachable while I am tied to this desk and chair. My bottom knows it wants to leave and is falling asleep to punish me for not moving. I have been attempting for months now, to NOT focus on what I want to do with my life simply because right NOW, I must be here. I must be in this corporate world. Even if it is temporary. I must exist here in order to move forward. It’s the pause button my circumstances have pushed for me. I bring this up because, I am on the brink of 10 days of vacation. Even though visiting family is stressful in and of itself, it’s still so much better than where I am sitting… right… now… I’m hoping these days will bring more clarity to what I want my next personal move to be.

I’ve been working on rebuilding my hobbies and although I am limited by salary and so I must adjust what I like to do accordingly and build up supplies (knitting, graphic design, photography, sewing machine, puppy). I’ve recently taken up lyrical writing to attempt to express my feelings. Good luck with that, I think to myself!

I have no clue how to get through this type of jitters, this normal jittery feeling. I, apparently write blog posts. If anyone has helpful tips on dealing more with the disappointing “now”, because of the hopeful future, please post them and let me know.

The struggle is real!

*the only helpful hint I have is, put Hozier on your pandora. He has a calming voice and the station pulls up other random calm and beautiful music. 

 

Take Advantage Of Tumbling Thoughts

“The Individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. ” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Thinking can only serve to measure out the helplessness of thought.” ― H. Rider Haggard, She

I have a lot of thoughts tumbling throughout my mind right now, and I’ve had this issue all week. I can’t seem to settle on a topic to write about. So many things have happened, even small things, I don’t know what to focus on.

Here, feel free to take advantage of my thoughts and failures.

I’ll start with my yesterday… I recently have been invited to move up in the ranks of the corporate world but to keep it quiet till it happened. I’ve known about it for almost two weeks and it has two weeks left to go before I move up. Yesterday I slipped up and said something to the one person that was probably the worst person for me to tell. She went on to make a little bit of a raucous about it making my boss upset. Bottom line, when your boss says not mention it to people… just don’t say anything to anyone no matter how much you think you can trust people. It’s not worth the chaos that ensues.

On another note, divorce hurts. Someone I am close to may or may not be getting separated soon and it hurts me to see how it has, and will, affect people I care about. I understand sometimes it’s better for everyone involved; but that doesn’t mean I like it.  I’m a romantic at heart and starry-eyed to a fault. Regardless, that pain is something everyone will have to live with, not just the divorcees. When kids are involved it always gets more complicated and again, it’s not an easy burden to bear. I myself am not from a split family, but before my parents were married my dad was married to a nice lady who gave him two great sons. I saw the aftermath of the affected and I see today how even though it was hard, it was better for everyone involved in the end. Not to mention, I might not have ever been born! The bottom line to this one… I just wish I could help where there is nothing I can do. “There is no such thing as helplessness. It’s just another word for giving up.” ― Jefferson Smith, Strange Places 

Now good things have been happening too! The day will come sooner rather than later when I no longer have to worry about work, and life has a tendency to work itself out. I have vented my frustration and am done pretending it matters for more than a day. Just keep swimming everybody! We can all help each other remember to love the people we are with, when we are with them, as hard and devotedly as we can.  Ciao!

“Regardless of the situation, don’t let the bastards win … and have no regrets … for it will be a good day! -Richard Wakinyan (Martian Fleet Commander)”  ― R.G. Risch, Beyond Mars: Crimson Fleet

“Regardless of the situation, don’t let the bastards win … and have no regrets … for it will be a good day! ― R.G. Risch, Beyond Mars: Crimson Fleet

Our Personal Growth Stunt

“I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”
Abraham Maslow, Toward a Psychology of Being

When false assumptions are mentioned, I usually think they mean the assumption was a bad one. Which, I’m sure everyone has done that at one point or another. We do the whole, judge a book by its cover whether we like to admit it or not. However, in going through lists of people in my head and through my Facebook feed I find more often than not that a lot of people I’ve made assumptions about have all been relatively good, only to be let down. My first impression of people I take only the good and I’m blind to the bad, only to be either told by someone later that so and so really isn’t that great of a person because of blah blah blah or through experiences of backstabbing and lazy friendships.  I expect the best from people and try not to ever make bad suppositions. In other words, I wear my heart on my sleeve. Which might sound like a great practice, but notice the “let down.” I think its important to emphasize that we not make any extra good or extra bad assumptions period. It puts too much pressure on someone you’ve just met and they can do nothing but disappoint. It’s not to say lower standards or limit possibilities. Just don’t assume anything about a person and take them as they are. That is the best way to value the people you are surrounded by. That is the way you won’t be disappointed and they won’t have a complex to deal with. Otherwise you are going to get stuck in thoughts like, “I thought he/she was better than that,” or “I can’t believe they let that happen!” It is an extra emotional roller coaster that no one needs, and it stunts our personal growth.

Side note….. I think my false assumptions are more oriented around objects. It boils down to whenever I lose something, I have a bad habit of naturally assuming I wasn’t the one who lost it. However, I lose stuff all the time so it’s a rather safe assumption that I was, in fact, the person to misplace whatever it is that is lost.

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.”  ― Isaac Asimov

“Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won’t come in.”
― Isaac Asimov

This was in response to The Daily Prompt!

 

Writers Block Like An Expert

Writers block is something I have famously struggled with. I say famous but really only I am aware of my own failures with writing. I have so many stories locked up in my brain and so many ideas I’d like to write down but something always seems to get in the way. All day I’m at work, which is great, but that means less time to write. During the evening I’m preoccupied with working out, making dinner, cleaning up, and finally relaxing with a beer and a video game, book or my latest goal of brushing up on my web designing skills. Writing is something that I’d like to do every day for maybe two hours in the morning. I find I’m more inspired and usually a bit more hopeful in the morning which, in my experience, means I’ll write better.  However, while I am still working in the corporate world, I won’t even get a glimpse of that dream.

I don’t envy anyone in the same spot as me but here is something I’d like to share with the poor souls that are.  Recently I have been writing a little tidbit every day, and because of this I have been more inspired and I’ve paid closer attention to what people are saying. It has made me a better observer and a much better listener. I find myself soaking in what people have to say and using it on my blog for writing material. I’m not sure if that’s called exploitation or not but…. it has been working for me. Again, the only perk so far of being a receptionist. So just remember, soak everything up so you can exploit it for your own writing purposes!

“Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?”  ― Kurt Vonnegut

“Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?”
― Kurt Vonnegut

This is in response to Writer’s Block Party!

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