The Jitters, Heebie-Jeebies, and Those Screaming Meemies

Jitters = fancy way of saying “I’m nervous and feeling anxious!” Today, on the cusp of vacation, I have a severe case of the jitters. I looked up the definition(nervousness, another word for jitters: an uneasy psychological state) and ways to calm those pesky feelings down. What I found seemed to be more related to an actual psychological problem. I don’t think the average person has “nervousness issues” like someone who gets anxiety attacks. Anyone can get them of course but, it takes extreme (subjective) circumstances for it to reach that level of intensity.

The kind of jitters I’m talking about are the kinds that drive you to distraction because you can only think of the future. Past and present don’t exist when the jitters are contracted. The only thing that matters in the mind of someone with jitters (i think….?) would HAVE to be the future! I am so focused on everything I need and want to do before my flight leaves on Monday morning that focusing on work is…. impossible. Impossible, I tell you!!

The satisfaction I would get from completing my list, is unreachable while I am tied to this desk and chair. My bottom knows it wants to leave and is falling asleep to punish me for not moving. I have been attempting for months now, to NOT focus on what I want to do with my life simply because right NOW, I must be here. I must be in this corporate world. Even if it is temporary. I must exist here in order to move forward. It’s the pause button my circumstances have pushed for me. I bring this up because, I am on the brink of 10 days of vacation. Even though visiting family is stressful in and of itself, it’s still so much better than where I am sitting… right… now… I’m hoping these days will bring more clarity to what I want my next personal move to be.

I’ve been working on rebuilding my hobbies and although I am limited by salary and so I must adjust what I like to do accordingly and build up supplies (knitting, graphic design, photography, sewing machine, puppy). I’ve recently taken up lyrical writing to attempt to express my feelings. Good luck with that, I think to myself!

I have no clue how to get through this type of jitters, this normal jittery feeling. I, apparently write blog posts. If anyone has helpful tips on dealing more with the disappointing “now”, because of the hopeful future, please post them and let me know.

The struggle is real!

*the only helpful hint I have is, put Hozier on your pandora. He has a calming voice and the station pulls up other random calm and beautiful music. 

 

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Song of the Day – Turn On Me by The Shins

This was the perfect song for this past month or so for me. It is called Turn On Me by The Shins, a great band with great messages in many of their songs.The whole song meaning revolves around falling out with a former band member, they had issues like most relationships do. This was huge because recently in my own relationships (mostly my man) I had the revelation that in any relationship that has potential, whether its platonic or romantic, if there is that missing aspect of communication then it will be doomed. It amazes me that if we tweaked only a few of the ways we communicate with that significant other, it can completely change everything and it will grow. If we refuse to change or back down and remain in our stubborn societal mindset of “I’m the center of the universe and I’m more important than everyone else,” inevitably we will be setting our relationships up for failure.

So affections fade away,
And do adults just learn to play
The most ridiculous, repulsive games?
On the faith of ruddy sons,
And the double-barreled guns,
You better hurry,
Rabbit, run, run, run.
‘Cause meeting you was fun,
And there’s a lot of hungry howlers in this one cell.
We’re taking it over,
Their brittle, thorny stems,
They break before they bend,
And neither one of us is one of them.

All it takes is a little humility, respect for the human person, and forgiveness. I’m sure easier said than done, but these are simple concepts that our own stubborn pride can make complicated. All the same, it does take two to tango. If it doesn’t work out, get back on that horse and ride!! Never forget hope and forgiveness.

So I took your licks at the time,
And to change like that is just so hard to do,
Hard to do.
Don’t let it whip-crack your life,
And bow out from the fight,
Those old pious sisters were right
The worst part is over,
Now, get back on that horse and ride.

Phase 1: Research and Network

Just in case you want to start a brewery, here’s a great blog to follow!

via Phase 1: Research and Network.

Look at Yourself

Love this! Self portraits are a favorite of mine because you get to see how people see themselves. A rare glimpse into someone’s most private opinion: the one they have about their own person hood.

In Flow with Otto

© Nancy de Flon © Nancy de Flon

© Ingunn Nesset © Ingunn Nesset

© Helen Chen © Helen Chen

© Mike Mills © Mike Mills

© Jennifer Clark © Jennifer Clark

To make self-portraits is an excellent exercise for any photographer – but maybe also one of the most challenging to do. I am not talking about easy and casual selfies – which most everybody takes these days. But to try to portrait yourself with honesty, trying to capture the true self and revealing your deepest emotions – that take both surmounting and courage.

In my eWorkshop «Finding Your Photographic Voice», making self-portraits is one of the assignments I give my students – and maybe for many one of the hardest. Nevertheless – and often despite some reluctance initially – I always find that the students come up with both creative and revealing images. Just look at the ones showcased here, taken by participants of my latest round of the eWorkshop. Aren’t they just that…

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Here’s What We Missed…..

I can’t believe I missed the whole month of October… my favorite month out of the year for all its beer cheer and fall colors! The one month of the year I get to gush about everything in fall tones. The one month I get to complain about stores putting Christmas decor up before Halloween is even over and horrific costumes as well as a few clever and awesome ones. The one month I get to drink fall beers till I costumecan’t taste the pumpkin anymore and take shameless selfies with my favorite brands. Good food, great weather, and the best holidays in the land; that is what I missed. I’m sorry.

BUT here is what y’all missed!

I dressed up as a green and pink monster… I even wore it to my office costume/chili contest! I didn’t win either, but I only participated in one so it serves me right. One of my coworkers had the brilliant idea to come as Count Von Count from Sesame Street. He won of course!

I coffeediscovered two new coffee shops that make fantastic cappuccinos and macchiatos! Serj Books and Ascension Coffee are fantastic places to go and eat and have just straight up great, authentic coffee.

I made it to ONLY one Oktoberfest. This was very disappointing to me since my plan had been to hit up at least 3 different fests.

My shameless beer selfie!

My shameless beer selfie!

However, life can take you by surprise and I found myself with little time to go and oct beerdo much for almost the whole month. There is always next October to look forward to though! I always find myself taking selfies with food and beer in the fall. It’s just that time of year, I think….

We had a lovely birthday party for a dear family friend of Casey’s on a rooftop bar. I LOVE rooftop bars! The last one I went to was New York, New York and it was freezing yet wonderful. It was my best memory in NYC southsidedespite the chilling wind. I tripped over a couch trying to climb over it because I was catching up with Casey’s mom. I got to watch her trip right before I did and we both looked absolutely ridiculous, but it was hilarious! I digress. I loved this rooftop bar here in Dallas simply because it was different from your average uptown club or bar. It was cleaner and less noisy than most. Not nearly enough seating but…. I think when people “go out” they expect to stand most of the time. If they don’t (aka, Me), then1425578_10152834518359253_5975674370663165663_n they should probably change their approach to going out.

I got a new HAT!!!!!!!!! I have been dying to get a fedora just like this for

Its fedora time!

Its fedora time!

quite some time…. mostly just this last year. Still in terms of fashion, it has been forever. It’s just slightly too big, but I will probably wear it 5 out of the 7 days in the week. Just too perfect.

Last but not least…. my final beer pictures. I went to the grocery store the other night all excited about refilling my stock of beer with more blue moon pumpkin ale, because it is the best, only to find that they had already switched their fall beers to their Christmas ales!! I was devastated to say the least……

https://www.facebook.com/3015Dallas a place called LUCK. They had so many different beers on tap it was so cool!

https://www.facebook.com/3015Dallas a place called LUCK. They had so many different beers on tap it was so cool!

I look forward to them all year round and now, they are just gone… I do enjoy St. Arnold’s Christmas Ale, but it’s not the same as that good ol’ pumpkin seasonal fall beer.

beer

I don’t have pictures as of yet but the future is bright! We are getting a husky puppy and potentially moving to Colorado in April. When I say potentially, there is not a doubt in my mind that it will happen. The dream will finally happen!

That is what you missed! Thanks for listening to my life update. Ciao bella gente!

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